


Not All Goodbyes Are An End

by OKDeanna



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek Has Issues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 04:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OKDeanna/pseuds/OKDeanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Stiles went to visit Derek in New York after he graduated high school, he never expected for things to get so complicated between them. But they did, and now Stiles is forced to leave a part of himself behind while he heads back to California for college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not All Goodbyes Are An End

**Author's Note:**

> I was given a song, California by Delta Spirit (prompted by vic1x1 on tumblr). I fully admit the tone of this story doesn't quite match up to the song I was given, but I tried to write a story around the idea of it. My muse just couldn't not make it hopeful in the end.

**Not All Goodbyes Are An End**

Stiles didn't like goodbyes. They felt too much like someone dying. And yet, as he shoved the last of his things into the back portion of his jeep, he knew that's what this moment was. For him and for Derek.

It was goodbye. As goodbye as goodbye got, and Stiles hated it. He hated that they couldn't have this. That they couldn't be together. But Derek wouldn't move back to California and Stiles couldn't stay with him in New York. It wasn't meant to be, he supposed, and yeah, he hated the idea of that the most.

No one got him like Derek did. No one made him think about things like Derek did, or challenged him the way Derek would. People tolerated him sure, and some even laughed at his stupid jokes, but Derek never patronized him or made him think he wanted to be anywhere but where he was, with anyone but who he was with.

"I guess that's everything," he said softly, closing the back of the jeep with a final, deafening click. "All my stuff is here now."

"Yeah, I think it is."

Stiles hung his head at the finality in the other man's words. He wanted to turn around, beg him to come back with him one more time, but he knew the request was futile. Derek had made his decision, and he wasn't Stiles. It wasn't California.

"I'm sorry, Stiles," the werewolf whispered after a tense moment of silence. "I never expected things to go the way they did between us."

Yeah, neither did Stiles. Running a quick hand over the hair at the back of his neck, he lifted a shoulder, eyes not straying from the loaded down jeep. "Nothing happened that I didn't want to have happen, Derek. You know that."

"That doesn't mean you aren't hurting because of it now."

No. No, it didn't. 

"It's okay, man," he said, exhaling a deep, bone-weary sigh. "I get it. You're life is here now, and mine's back there. It sucks, but it happens, and now we get to figure out how to deal with it." Or rather, Stiles got to figure out how to deal with it. He was pretty sure Derek had dealt with it a long time ago. 

Friends with benefits sounded great in theory, but in practice, Stiles could almost guarantee it didn't work out nearly so well. It hadn't for him, which probably shouldn't be as big of a surprise as it was right now. He and Derek were like fire and gasoline from the start. They were bound to explode at some point. He just wished it hadn't happened like this. 

He felt gutted and exposed standing in Derek's driveway with his jeep packed to the max with his three suitcases and the half a dozen boxes of things he'd bought during his three month stay in New York, and it wasn't a good feeling. He'd fallen in love without meaning to, and though he'd never said the words aloud, he knew that Derek knew how he felt. He couldn't not know.

"I should get going," Stiles said, "beat the rush hour traffic." A warm hand landed on his forearm. Stiles stiffened at the now familiar touch, and quickly backed away to head for the driver's side door. "Take care of yourself, Derek, and tell Cora…tell her I'm sorry I missed her, but I couldn't wait anymore."

He didn't miss the pained groan from behind him, but he also didn't allow himself the chance to look back. He knew if he did, he'd ask him one more time to come home, to come back with him. 

But Derek had made his choice, and Stiles had to accept it. Their summer fling, or whatever the hell it had been, was over now. It was time for them to return to the real world, and the real world for Stiles was a long, boring drive back to California where he'd go see his dad and his friends before heading off to Berkley and the new life that awaited him there.

"I'll miss you," Derek mumbled, voice just loud enough to carry over the squeaking of the jeep's driver's side door. "I know I have no right to, but…it's the truth. I got used to having you around, and it's going to take a while for me not to expect to see you when I wake up in the morning or before I go to bed at night."

Yeah, that…was not something he needed to know. "Please stop," Stiles said, finally forcing himself to turn and meet Derek's gaze. "We both know this is over, that you want it to be over, and it can't be over if you keep saying things like that to me."

"Would you rather I lie and tell you what happened between us meant nothing? That the idea that this could be the last time I ever see you isn't killing me inside?"

_Yes_. Yes, that's exactly what he wanted. "I asked you to come with me, Derek. You said you couldn’t. You said your home was here."

"Yeah, and it is. But that doesn't mean I don't wish things were different. That I don't wish I could go with you. That I could give you all the things you want from me right now." Derek closed the distance between them then, and before Stiles could think enough to protest, his head descended and his mouth crashed into his. 

The kiss was everything Stiles wished he didn't want, and exactly what he didn't need. Which is why he lifted his hands and shoved at Derek's chest, hard. He knew the push itself barely fazed the wolf, but the meaning behind it, the actual action of it, got through and in seconds, Derek was on the other side of his jeep, breathing hard, eyes wild. 

"I shouldn't have done that."

Stiles sighed, clenching his hands into fists. "No, you shouldn't have. This is hard enough without you making some big declaration we both know you wouldn't still mean the second I drive away from here."

"I'd still mean it," he said, the words all but pulled from him. "Whatever else you think of me, I do care about you. A lot more than I should, and I want the best for you, which is why I can't go with you like you want me to. Everyone I care about gets hurt, Stiles, and I won't let you be become another casualty in my life."

Noble thoughts. Too bad Stiles knew they were bullshit. "Just stop it, man. You don't mean any of that. Please stop pretending that you do."

"I'm not pretending, dammit! I'm in love with you every bit as much as you are with me, and the idea that you don't know that, that you can't _feel_ that, infuriates me."

Stiles opened and closed his mouth, for once at a complete loss on what to say. Derek, however, didn't have that problem, because now that he'd started talking, he couldn't seem to stop. The words flying from his mouth faster than Stiles could keep up with, and that was saying something since normally Stiles was a master wordsmith.

But…Derek loved him? Derek was in love with him? When did that happen? And, holy shit, why couldn't Derek have told him that before they packed the jeep?

"You're not staying," Derek said flatly, somehow reading Stiles's mind before he'd even fully recognized the thoughts rushing through his head. "Us being in love with each other doesn't change anything. You still have to go, and I still have to stay."

Uh, yeah, no. Them being in love with each other pretty much changed everything. 

Stiles reached out and slammed his jeep door shut. Then he rounded the front of the jeep and crossed the yard to stand in front of Derek. When the werewolf opened his mouth to say something else, Stiles shook his head and lifted his arms, framing the other man's face between his palms. "Shut up. Derek, just…shut the fuck up."

Surprisingly, Derek did as he was told. Until Stiles told him he wasn't going back to California, that is. Then there was a fight, a loud one, and Stiles is pretty sure Derek had been seconds away from shifting before Stiles gave in and agreed to go back to school. 

They said goodbye just before the sky opened up to rain, and though he knew it would be a long time before they saw each other again, Stiles remained hopeful that it would happen. In fact, he would make sure of it.

The werewolf had, after all, demanded that Stiles at least try and find someone else while he was at school, and if Stiles did as he was told, and maybe, sort of, made sure the news of it got back to Derek in a way that made him want to rip someone's throat out with his teeth, well, he wasn't going to be proud of it. Except, yeah, he totally, totally was.

He'd give it six months, tops. Six months and Derek would be back in California, ready to give this thing between them a real shot. But just in case he wasn't, Stiles fully planned to start looking into transferring to John Jay or Columbia for his sophomore year. 

No way in hell was he going to stay away from Derek more than a year. He didn't care how his dad or the werewolf in question felt about it. They were doing this. 

They were _so_ doing this.

***FIN***


End file.
